How Many Effing Eiffel Towers, Crixus!?
Agron’s own personal Hell…..
CAPTIONS AS TEXT
– So Crixus…. Now, don’t take this the wrong way or anything, but…we’ve been wondering about something.
– Umm…exactly why on earth do you have so many bloody French souvenirs!? (Crixus) What do you mean – why? Can’t I show my nationalistic heritage and pride!? YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH CROISSANTS!?
– (Agron) Actually, yeah, I do! The world’s got enough scones and danishes, and they’re delicious, baguette-breath! (Crixus) Va te faire enculer, you little merde!
– (Agron) Know what!? I don’t have to deal with this scheiss! (Crixus) Why dontcha take your flutterwacken to a sauerkraut instead!? (Agron) Your house is stupid, and so are you, you omelette du fromage!!
– (Crixus) THAT MAKES NO EFFING SENSE, connard! (Spartacus) Neither one of you made any sense, actually. (Crixus) Brûle en enfer, Thracian!
– Agron tried to retreat from the argument to a safe place, but to his horror, everywhere he turned were constant reminders that he was in enemy territory.
– There was nowhere to hide! No refuge to be sought! With his back pressed against the wall, the cornered animal could only cry out in abject agony:
– GODS SAVE MEEEEEE~~~~!!111!!1!1!!111!1!
CC CREDITS
– Pillow, Eiffel Tower Mirror, Eiffel Tower vintage print, Paris wall sticker, Paris road sign sticker, Paris itinerary, Eiffel Tower postcard, String lights (vaguely an Eiffel Tower in shape; Agron’s irrational; everything is suspect!); French 123 end table, Eiffel Tower wall art, Eiffel Tower picture frame, Eiffel Tower model
MY THOUGHTS
In my A Friend in Need chapters (x x) I wanted Agron to make some sort of snide comment about being surrounded by all of Crixus’ French souvenirs from his time spent living in Champs le Sims. But instead I decided to make this stupid post.
Cuz no canon!Agron post is complete without a nod to the German’s intense aversion to any and all things French. 😛
Backstory under the cut!
The Rhine River separates the lands to the east (”Germania”) and west “Gallia“ – modern day Germany and France.
In Season 1 the brothers East of the Rhine (Agron & Duro) had immediate friction with Crixus and his merry band of Gauls when they arrived as newbies to the Ludus, where Crixus reigned as top gladiator. Crixus sorta hazed Duro, who got his freshmeat lamb-chops handed to him in the arena, and brother-bear!Agron was none too jazzed about his rough treatment.
After the gladiators rebelled and started making an army, kick-starting the Third Servile War, the Gauls made up more than half of the force. This further gave Crixus influence in the ranks and on Spartacus’ war council, and further gave Agron a headache. #MoreGaulsMoreProblems
That on top of regular testosterone-ladden rivalry soured Agron’s relationship with Crixus and his men, and by Season 2 it was a running gag that Agron had plenty of effs to give to Gauls.
Agron, you kiss your mother Nasir with that mouth?
Even the merch and fan-gifts ran with it.
Even though Crixus and Agron eventually became friends/frenemies in Season 3, the lasting legacy is that out of all the things Agron hates (and there’s a list out there, I swear), Gauls are at the very top.
That’s just how the croissant crumbles.
All I can say to poor Aggy-bear:
(* 3 *) /
The Faery's Gifts 